Game Together

Happy Valentine's Day!

There is often friction in a relationship when a gamer and a non-gamer get together. As video games become a more common past-time across the board, I should refine this statement to include that there is also a potential for conflict between a hardcore gamer and a casual gamer. I recently mentioned a few games that got my wife gaming with me, and had a few conversations with my brother on the subject. I decided to write this article explaining some of the strategies I've employed to get my wife on board with my gaming hobby. Hopefully readers can take from it what they deem useful or applicable and turn their personal hobby into a fun (maybe romantic) past-time.

I'd like to make a brief disclaimer that is hopefully evident: I am a man and my experiences are with women. I dated women jealous of video games; ones who felt I played games more than I paid attention to them. I've dated women who played more video games than me. I've been in a wide variety of combinations of gamers and non-gamers. So this is all based on my personal trials and ordeals. I don't want to imply that women are the exclusive target of this article, and subsequently I don't want to imply that women can't love video games more than their men. I know that isn't the case in many circumstances, but again all of this is based on my own collected experiences and written for people hoping to get their reluctant partners into the wide world of gaming.

When my wife and I first started dating, I wasn't playing video games too much. It was a time of my life that I was more interested in going out with friends, drinking and attending social events. Suffice it to say that it was an odd time for me when I was focused on a part of my personality that usually lies dormant. I'm typically much more introverted. I never hid from anyone that I was a gamer and that gaming was my hobby, but it wasn't until a few months later that I started going out less and less and gaming more and more. There was a true adjustment period over the first year or so while we were getting to know each other and it hit a variety of bumps and misunderstandings as all (long-term) relationships must do, particularly in their infancy.

Some moments in gaming are worth waiting for.

I would say things started to change primarily with the North American release of Pokémon Diamond and Pearl. My wife (girlfriend at the time) was an admitted casual gamer most of her life, so I thought what a perfect way to get her back into gaming! The Pokémon franchise has a lot to offer the hardcore gamer and casual gamer alike; it has a lot to offer people who enjoy fierce creatures like Charizard and cutesy critters like Eevee. I feel there is something to like for everyone in Pokémon and if you don't like the series it's possible you don't have a soul. Little did she know at the time that if she didn't like playing Pokémon with me, it was a potential deal-breaker! Crisis averted, though. I would say my wife likes playing Pokémon more than I do these days. The Pokémon Gambit was a success.

Some of our biggest clashes came from my on-off addiction to the MMORPG, Final Fantasy XI, so when I decided that I would ultimately leave FFXI in order to play Final Fantasy XIV at its launch, I embarked on an epic quest in real life. I unofficially call the year leading up to Final Fantasy XIV as the "Get My Wife Addicted to Final Fantasy XIV" Campaign so that when I was addicted to it, we would be spending time together rather than spending time apart. When you play games together, playing games is no longer time you aren't paying attention to your partner, but time you're spending together. You're bonding while enjoying your hobby! It's brilliant, really. So here are some pointers I wish to share with you.

Relationships forged in battle!

Though results will vary based on the interests and needs of the individual, I think it's safe to assume in many cases this is going to be a long-term strategy. It's not something that will happen over night and it is something that you will have to nurture until it blooms. I've broken the process up into three phases, but individual needs will vary and the phases can overlap quite a bit based on your results and findings. So don't think of these proposed phases as set in stone, but something fluid that will be a give and take as you test the waters of your partner's interests and attitudes.


Phase 1:  Know Your Audience

You must know what your partner enjoys in order to appeal to their sensibilities. If they have played games, what games did they play and of those what games did they enjoy the most? If they didn't game, explore what types of books they read or movies they watch. Video games are a form of entertainment, so figure out what entertains your partner in other sources and then start tracking down games that are similar. Do they like Comedies? Dramas? War stories? Fantasy? Romance? Do they like long, twisting and turning stories, or do they enjoy action? These are the types of things you must know or find out before you can start pitching games for them to play. There are so many types of games these days, that it shouldn't be too difficult to start matching up some games with their other interests.

Phase 2: Getting Them to Sit Down and Play


This might be the most frustrating and financially draining part of the process. Consider renting or borrowing games you think might interest your partner, because if you end up choosing incorrectly you're stuck with a game that no one wants to play. However, once you have a general idea of what types of entertainment grab your partner's fancy, start grabbing some games that re-create that experience in video game format. Possibilities here are too many to list and it's all catered to the needs of your partner. Make sure to note every success and failure. Inquire what it is that bothers them, or draws them to a game and try to find more games of that nature. Try a wide variety of game types in this stage! If your partner enjoys reading fantasy novels, you might naturally consider a fantasy RPG, but ultimately that may prove too boring. You can shift to an action RPG with more action and less story, or drop RPG all together and try to find a straightforward action game set in a fantasy world. It all depends on the individual and in this stage I can't really set forth any concrete instructions. This is the trial and error stage and you have to remain vigilant and not get too frustrated.

If you dabble in multiplayer games this is a great opportunity to mix in some of Phase 3, because often just playing together can make a game that is boring alone into something that is extremely fun, or fun to make fun of, once you start playing together.

Phase 3: Game Together

FFXIV may not have been the best game
to focus my strategy on, but we had fun!

This is the ultimate goal. Once you figure out what kind of games your partner enjoys playing, then you need to start finding common ground, or if all else fails compromise. Perhaps your partner enjoys racing games like Mario Kart, or Gran Turismo, but they aren't your thing. This is the transition phase to get them from "racing" to something like Grand Theft Auto. It has racing! Once they get used to shooting up everyone in sight, maybe come to enjoy that sort of thing (in a non-sociopath sort of way) Then you slyly transition that to Halo, or Call of Duty, or where ever you're intending to end up in this long-term campaign. It's all about transitioning and conditioning. One of the things non-gamers or casual gamers have issue with is being intimidated or frustrated with their lack of skill (or interest). So you gradually build them up to the point where they're comfortable playing your favorite games along-side you, and enjoying themselves!

Keep in mind, the ultimate goal isn't to brainwash or convert your partner into your Halo wing-man. You may find your partner will simply never like FPS, just like you don't like racing games (in this hypothetical scenario). This is where you must stick to a common interest, or perhaps on Mondays you hit the tracks of their favorite racing game and Fridays you guys shoot your way through the demon infested Phobos base. I can't tell you what will work best for your relationship, but understand that you might hit impasses that you must work around. You might find games you wouldn't naturally buy or play or enjoy by yourself suddenly become extremely fun and enjoyable - Lego Star Wars (and subsequent Lego games) were that way for me. It's a series we can always turn to for a ton of cooperative fun and laughs.

The ultimate goal is to find games that you enjoy playing together, so that you both have fun and your relationship grows stronger. You certainly don't want your partner to resent all the time you game without them, or to feel left out, or unwelcome. Trust me, gaming with your partner is so much better than gaming against them.

He wishes he could play Halo right now,
but nooo she wants to watch a romantic comedy!

Here's some General Tips to keep in mind while working your way through this process:

When you start this process I'd lean towards cooperative games rather than competitive games. It's certainly open to individual tastes, but I'd say that for relationship building (especially the initial groundwork) it will feel better to accomplish something together (beating a difficult boss with teamwork) than to constantly be trying to out-do the other. Certainly there are competitive games like Mario Party and "Mario" sports games in general that are more about "good fun" than do-or-die "must win" gaming, but I'd advise to explore more co-op unless you notice your partner takes particular ecstasy in kicking your ass at Mario Tennis (in which case you might be worried about your future together). It's certainly something you will have to figure out together.

In the same vein, don't take the games too seriously. When playing co-op nothing kills the spirit of teamwork like getting frustrated if your less experienced partner is slowing things down or holding you back. Remember that you're trying to find what's fun for them, and eventually what's fun for both of you. Remember that it's a long process and not going to be instant gratification (the basis of gaming addiction). You need to go at their pace, and cater to their learning curve. You need to offer help and guidance without being overly critical. If you do play competitively, I'm not saying let them win (yes, I am) but you don't need to bring your A-game to each match. This is all for fun, and to spend time together. No one enjoys losing all the time.



Especially me.



- TOP
@TOPGamingBlog

The Great Escape

Hello again and happy New Year!

This is how Mayans thought 2013 would look!

I must apologize to all my friends, family and fans who have patiently been awaiting a new article since my TOP Ten countdown ended in August. I started this project in February, challenging myself to see if I could keep it going for a year straight and hopefully beyond. I failed this challenge and I failed any of you out there who consider yourselves TOP Gaming readers and fans. I am deeply sorry, and I hope once I explain briefly where I’ve been you can come to forgive me and we can push on into 2013 together. I’m looking forward for a fresh start to a new year as 2012 ended up being the worst year in my entire life due to personal tragedy.

Mid-August a woman very dear to me who helped raise me alongside my own parents as one of her own children passed away somewhat prematurely and unexpectedly. She had lived a good life full of love and kindness and warmth but naturally I was sad that she was gone. I took some time off from writing to grieve and to go home to attend services. At that same time my third child and second son was born and although I was sad, he brought me great joy and happiness. He was happy and healthy for five weeks and then one unsuspecting evening my wife found him in our bedroom where he had been napping. His heart had stopped; he wasn't breathing. Although he was healthy as far as modern science can ascertain, he simply closed his eyes that night and did not open them again. I’m sure anyone can imagine, this destroyed the rest of the year for me. It’s only months later that I’m able to function again, reading and writing and speaking of his life and death openly. 

I do not wish to welcome the good, new year bringing all you wonderful people of the internet down into a depression. I simply felt I owed an apology, an explanation and a window into my life and my mindset as I push forward into 2013. My wife and I are coping. My two other children are too young to be too deeply impacted by their loss, thankfully. They are happy and they had a wonderful Christmas. Though my life and my spirit (if you will) have been altered forever, I am settling into what I consider the “new normal” and hopefully I can include blogging once again in my new routine. I felt New Year’s Day was the perfect time to get the ball rolling again. Although it's only symbolic, I am looking forward to starting a new year and leaving 2012 behind me.

This is where we live now!
My wife built us this mansion.

I wanted to take a moment to thank “video games” in general. As I’m sure many other gamers around the world can relate, gaming is an effective way to take your mind off the real world temporarily. While Superman has his Fortress of Solitude, I have video games. It’s safe to say that I have immersed myself fully and unconditionally into gaming like never before because when I am fully integrated into a fake world, the real one gets put on a back burner. I’m extremely excited to tell you all about the wonderful games I’ve played in the last four months, but I’ve played so many that I can only begin to list them here and perhaps break them down for you all sometime in the near future. So consider the following a big “Thank you!” to all the games (and their creators) that helped me get through the final months of 2012. 


Games I Owe a Great Service

• Tokyo Jungle

Watch out for raptors!

Tokyo Jungle is a truly quirky game. The basic premise is that humanity has simply disappeared and the Earth is re-inherited by beasts large and small. You may play either a carnivore or an herbivore in an attempt to survive in this new age. You start small and work your way up to larger and more powerful animals. You must eat, breed and avoid larger predators as you try to survive on the streets of Tokyo. Successes in survival mode unlock chapters in the story mode. Eventually you discover what happened to humanity and why animals rule the roost.

• Atelier Rorona: The Alchemist of Arland

Equivalent exchange!

Faithful readers may recall that I played through Recettear: An Item Shop’s Tale a few months ago. I thought of that as a cheap, trial run to gauge whether or not I’d like an “Atelier” game. As it turns out, I like it very much. Somehow running a fantasy item shop, or alchemy shop in this instance, is extremely fun for me.The characters of this game are cute and endearing and the gameplay is very fun, but the game does lack a depth of story. There is no plot twist. You simply scramble to keep an Alchemy Shop running under threat of closure from the government.

• Crusader Kings II

The Mighty Kingdom of Wales!

Crusader Kings II is like turning middle-ages Europe into a riveting historical drama akin to A Game of Thrones (without dragons). You select a nobleman and try to gain titles, prestige, land, and power all while trying to avoid assassination and weakening your family. Your primary focus is to keep your bloodline alive and thriving through a quasi-historically accurate rendition of Europe at the time. I haven't personally ventured outside of Great Britain and Ireland yet, but I have been crowned King of both Ireland and Wales in two separate games.

• Minecraft

Nether Pyramid!

A friend of mine had been peer pressuring me to join him in Minecraft for some time. I had a blast playing Terraria so I knew some aspects of Minecraft would appeal to me. I turned to the man who convinced me to play Terraria to see if I’d like Minecraft and as it turns out I do. I now play on a server with my wife and our mutual friend. We’ve built several small homes, a mansion and a Nether base of operations. Current projects include an arena for PVP and grinding out experience on monster spawns and a fully automated farm and ranch for all our food needs.

• FTL: Faster than Light

You die a lot.

FTL is an amazing game. I don’t know how to express how much I adore it. You assume the role of captain and crew of a starship. Each playthrough of the game randomly generates a new star chart for you to explore and draws from a wealth of events to randomly trigger at each destination. The events have varying options depending on crew, systems and weapon capabilities meaning each time you arrive at an event there may be new options for you to explore. The meat of the game is the combat which relies on skill, timing and rerouting your crew and power to various systems. 

• Pokémon Black 2 and Pokémon White 2

I don't remember their names even.

I had no interest in either of these games until a week before they were released. I realized they would be a perfect world to sink into with my wife and just play. I was right and it kept our attention for a while. Looking back on it, I don't remember much. I don't remember much about Pokémon Black, either. For some reason these titles of Pokémon are just glossed over in my memory. I did have fun and I beat the Elite Four, but after that I think I just walked away. I wanted to get into the Tournaments and face off against other region's Gym Leaders, but I fear I never decided on a dedicated team to do so.

I also owe a shout out to internet personality, RenDog, whose “Let’s Play Minecraft” series has helped me get through each and every day. His zest for playing games and optimism about everything is a great comfort to those of us watching and dealing with our own problems. Even through his own personal tragedies this year he continued to post videos on YouTube and let us into his life and world. It was inspirational, honestly, and I understand firsthand how hard it can be to not only push through your grief for the sake of your fans, but also include them in your life. I believe I’ve linked to him before and perhaps I’ll write a full article about his channel in the future, but for now I’ll leave you with a link to his YouTube Channel. I have to warn you to start any of his series from the beginning or you’ll be constantly threatened to have him shove video game objects up your butt-hole. You have been warned.

Thank you, RenDog, and I’m looking forward to all your videos in 2013.

- TOP
@TOPGamingBlog

Related Links

ReNDog's YouTube Channel - http://www.youtube.com/user/rendog

Small Town Love

 It dawned on me late in the week that I'd be publishing on Valentine's Day. It would be the first post to land on a themed holiday and I could not simply ignore it. I stopped the presses, so to speak, and began to wrack my brain for video games that demonstrated meaningful relationships or love stories. Love is not an uncommon theme in games and even some of the earliest games hold some of the most endearing relationships for me. I thought to write about one of the most emotional demonstrations of love I could think of in gaming, which is Wander's love for Mono in Shadow of the Colossus. I also thought about Catherine, which is a (truly bizarre) game almost entirely devoted to telling a story about one man's struggle with commitment to his long-term girlfriend. Ultimately, I decided that Valentine's Day was not simply about relationships and love but a celebration of romance itself. The choice then became clear that I'd have to choose a game or series that also celebrates the romance of a relationship.

The "Harvest Moon" series is full of unsung heroes of romance. The first game in the series debuted on Super Nintendo in 1997, and tells the story of a young man who inherits a farm in a run down little farming community and is tasked with getting the old family business fired up and boosting the town's economy. It also involves winning over the town's people by being friendly and helpful and active in the town's festivals. One of the true marks of a successful farm is if you can manage to upgrade your home to be big enough for a family, and win the hearts of one of the local girls to settle down and raise a family. As a farmer/rancher you diligently tend your crops and raise your livestock, but you must leave time in the day to drop in on your best girl and give her flowers or you'll never win her heart.

When I was in college, my roommate's girlfriend (by extension also my roommate) became thoroughly captivated by the game. It was truly heart-warming to return from class and see them sitting together on the couch planting their crops and brushing their cattle. She must have played this game for weeks on end and I'm not sure I recall her ever going to class in that time. I remember my roommate would tease her constantly about dropping out of school so she could become a farmer and pursue her true passions of rustic, small town life. Their interactions and banter were truly cute and the memory stands out much more prominently than my own first experiences playing Harvest Moon.

While the "Harvest Moon" series is not exactly a love story, it is still a striking romantic experience. Aside from giving you a cute window into "a simpler life" on the small town farm, the games simply require intensive amount of wooing that you must do to finally win the heart of your favorite young lady. What could possibly be more romantic than bringing the girl of your dreams a freshly laid egg and a wildflower from the mountains everyday for an entire year? It's sure to win any girl's heart. She'll be delighted to dance with you at the Spring Festival. And when you finally build up the courage to bring her that Blue Feather, she'll warmly accept your proposal.

Happy Valentine's Day!